The Gray Lady's Book
by Shizuka23
Summary: Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Severus finally realizes that he was wrong about everything, especially Lilly. He sinks deeper and deeper into the dark arts thinking that he can attain acceptance within his house and later with the Death Eaters. Some of the members are honored to be in such an elite group while Severus has to live in the regret of his betrayal to his Lilly.


4

Disclaimer: I don't own Lily and Severus. They belong to the Harry Potter Series owned by JK Rowling. I'm just using these characters for my own entertainment. I CLAIM NOTHING!Enjoy.

Running. The hurried sound of her footsteps bounced off the old castle walls as Lily tried to escape from the truth. Tears streamed down her face as she ran, trying to find a place that was quiet and where no one would bother her. The library would be too obvious, since she usually seen studying there for exams or doing homework.

Tears blind her sight as she rushes past the talking paintings and uniquely woven tapestries at Hogwarts. She falls to her knees gasping for breath as she tries to understand what has happened.

_Severus… wouldn't call me that_. More tears slide down her face as she remembers what happened only five minutes ago.

After the exam for Defense Against the Dark Arts Exam was through, Lily made her way to the lake to relax. The warm weather and refreshing breeze is just what the doctor ordered after a grueling owls exam. Lily dipped her feet into the lake; the water was cool against the summer heat.

Hmm, I can't believe it's the end of our fifth year here… she hears her friend Mary contemplate as she pulls her foot out of the lack and wiggles her toes in the grass.

"I know! The year has flown by so quickly. I'm so excited to go home again."

Xenia, another one of her friends exclaims from her stretched position on the grassy bank.

"Yeah, I bet you can't wait to see that cute bloke that you hung out with last summer."

Temperance chuckled at Xenia's expense.

Lily tunes them out as she looks up into the blue sky thinking about next year. Since she and Severus live in the same neighborhood, they would often spend their days together completing homework by the pond back behind his house or read books in the shade of the trees in the community park. But lately Severus has been closing himself off, more so than his usual moody self. She sighs as she lies back in the grass and folds her arms behind her head. Gazing up at the clouds again she wonders what has been going on with Severus.

"What are you going to do for your summer vacation lily? Lily? Hey lily? Still preoccupied with exams?" Mary giggles as she waves her hand in front of lily's face.

"Hm?" Seeing her friends trying to get her attention.

"I bet she's thinking about that Slytherin boy, Severus." Says Xenia teasingly.

Lily blushes and looks away at their implication.

"I told you guys it's not like that! We are just really good friends!"

Temperance nods, "He's very smart, did you see him in the potions exam the other day? He's going to get all Outstandings in his owls report."

"Too bad he's a dark wizard though". Mary interrupts and leans in closer to her friends, "Always skulking in the hallways and how he sneers at everyone? I'm sure he's a follower of you know who!" She whispers accusingly.

"No he's not! You don't know anything about him so I would suggest you keep your mouth shut!" Lily puffs, "Honestly he's not bad at all. He's just misunderstood."

"Hm? Looks like James Potter and his friends are at it again." Temperance states.

Lily turns around as she witnesses Severus on the ground coughing up pink bubbles as Potter hovers over him with his wand out. Furious that the Marauders would pick on Severus at a time like this, she quickly makes her way over to them

"Leave Him Alone!"

She scoffs as James messes up his hair, again.

"All right, Evans?" Said James in a deep tone.

Glaring daggers at him "Leave him alone", lily repeated "What's he done to you?"

"Well", said Potter appearing to critically consider Lily's question. "It's more the fact that he exists really."

Many of the surrounding students laugh as well as Sirius and Peter.

"That's a horrible thing to say! You're just an arrogant bullying twerp who is insecure in his appearance and takes it out on others, back off him!"

James's eyebrow twitches in annoyance but lets Lily's insult slide.

"I will if you go out with me Evans! Go out with me and I will never lay a wand on Snivillus again."

"His name is Severus you dolt! And I would never go out with you, even if I had a choice between you and the giant squid!"

The students that were surrounding them 'OHHed' and laughed at Jame's expense.

Sirius laughs "She burned you good, mate!

Lily briskly walks over to where Severus is lying on the ground, clutching his wand while still coughing up pink bubbles.

"Are you okay?" Lily asks.

James scoffs "You were lucky that your keeper was here to save your sorry Snivelly behind. You're such a cowered having a girl fight your battles for you!"

Lily grabs his forearm to help him up but her hand gets smacked away for her trouble.

Getting up angrily and points his wand at James, Severus sneers, "I don't need any help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

The whole clearing became quiet and it seemed like time stopped if it weren't for the breeze. James glared daggers at him and pointed his wand at Severus once more.

"How dare you call her that! I'll make you regret them!" Murmurs of agreement spread though the crowd.

Lily's hands drop listlessly to her side from her kneeling position from where Severus laid. Head turned down she gets up and turns away from Severus, walking slowly past James.

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at him.

Lily rounds on James and shouted, "I don't want you to make him apologize, and you're as bad as he is!"

"What?!" James yelped. "I would never call you a-"

Lily interrupted "No but you're just as bad! Messing up your hair and strutting around like you are the prince of everything wizard and quidditch. I'm surprised that the chasers don't mistake your big fat head for a quaffle! Picking on others who annoy you or just for kicks, It's people like you that ruins everything. You make me sick!"

She finishes quietly but with so much malice in her voice that James is stunned. Lily turns around and heads back to the castle. Her friends at the lake that were watching the whole thing from a distance get up to catch up to her, giving the boys a passing glare. But before they can even reach the entrance to the castle, Lily is gone.

Still on the floor sobbing over what recently happened, Lily still hears those biting words that Severus said to her.

_How could he? I thought he was my friend._ She pulls her knees in and cries harder.

_I thought… that it didn't matter to him. That me being a Mudblood and in Gryffindor wouldn't change our friendship._

Sniffling, she gets up and wearily looks around. "Where am I? It doesn't look like one of the main hallways that I always use… wait a second."

She realizes that this was the hallway that her and Severus sought refuge from the horrible poltergeist Peeves that was chasing them their first year. They hid in the closet that was right across from this tapestry of dancing trolls.

Walking further down the hall, lily thinks about a place to get away from everyone for a while. She passes the tapestry but doesn't see the door. Thinking that she missed it, she retraces her steps passing the tapestry as she went.

What am I doing? Why am I looking for a closet of all places? She sighs, "I guess I just want things to go back to normal between us, like how we were friends when we were younger.

Walking past the tapestry again, she is surprised to see a door on the other side of the hall.

_That wasn't there the first time I passed this tapestry_…

She approaches the door and opens it. There before her is a room with the most gorgeous view that opened up to a garden. Mesmerized, she enters the room and sits on one of the chairs at a table in the garden. To her amazement, the garden is located on a huge balcony over looking the lake. A slight breeze musses her hair as she sits down and enjoys the tranquility of the garden.

She looks over to see a book lying on the table. She picks it up and leafs though it, only to discover that the pages are empty. She closes the book with a soft thud and notices that one of the potted flowers on the table turned into a quill and inkbottle. She curiously inspects the quill and ink and then inspects the book.

"It helps to write down your feelings when you are unsure of yourself." Came an airy voice.

Lily jumps at the unexpected sound. " I'm, um, sorry for disturbing you, I didn't mean to intrude."

Lily gets up and nervously looks around. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

The Gray Lady, one of the house ghosts in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, came and took a seat at the table.

"Sit child, there are some things we need to discuss."

Lily takes her seat at the table again and looks down at the book.

"It was once mine."

"I'm sorry?" Asks a confused Lily.

"The book", she says, "it was given to me by my mother, before she became ill."

"Oh, I can't accept this." Says Lily hesitantly as she moves to give the book back to the Gray Lady.

Putting her hand on top of Lily's hand "It is okay child, I want you to have it. It seems that you have some emotional trouble of your own."

The Gray Lady places her hands in her lap. "Writing it down will help you clear your head."

Nodding, Lily looked down at the book as she considers The Gray Lady's words.

"Thank you. You don't know h-"

When Lily looked back up, the Gray Lady was gone. Opening the cover lily takes the quill and begins to write.

It is several years later that the book is discovered by Severus Snape, now a potions professor at Hogwarts. Tears steamed down his face as he reads her passages, Lily's thoughts, about her school life. It seemed ages ago since he was last at school with her. Never has he forgotten how much he loved her. The pressure between two warring houses, the Gryffindors and the Slytherins had always hated each other and their prejudices had torn him away from his beloved Lily.

Severus thought that it would be better for her to leave, even though he wanted her by his side. Their friendship was under constant strain and they were slowly drifting apart. But Lily had always held on… until he said those horrible words to her. Called her that name. And pushed her even further away from him.

He tried to reconcile with her, but she would have none of it. So Severus vowed to keep a close eye on her. Even though Lily did not love him, he would always love her. It was until she started dating that dolt Potter that Severus lost all hope at happiness. Although there was never a chance that Lily would ever be happy with a snake like him. It was better that she was with her own house.

Or so he thought until he found this book, hidden away in a niche within the library shelves. It seems that she was not as happy as she seemed. Severus put the book away within his own private bookshelf, the sleeve on his arm ridding up to reveal his dark mark a stark reminder of his mistake. He laments again if he was ever meant to have happiness in his life.


End file.
